March 23rd, 2011
Photo #158
I have this strange feeling that has been creeping up on me lately. A feeling like I don't have two feet firmly on the ground. But more specifically with who I am as myself. I know it sounds strange, and a bit depressingly reflective, but I just feel as if I'm sort of floating along with no intended purpose. Now I'm all about going with the flow, but going with that flow and not having somewhat of a handle on things and grasp on the direction in which I am going is extremely difficult for me. Which is what I am lacking currently. I have no idea where it is I stand or who it is I want to be. I'm sure this is a typical predicament for a 22 year old who is about to graduate college, but someone with a personality like my own, its frightening. Today's photo goes along with whole situation I have found myself in. This photo was taken over Fall Break of freshman year. It was the first time I had been home since moving to college. Going off to college and leaving home was a whole transition in itself. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, just that I was going to be in a school for communications. I had entered a world where I virtually knew no one. It was same sensation as now. I had no real control over things and I was just floating along. I wasn't sure who it was I wanted to be but I knew it was supposed to come to me over the next four years in school. And over that past three I really felt that I had found a place of stability and contentment. I was confident in my choices and felt real happiness with those who I chose to love and surround myself with. But somewhere along the line of the past year I have gotten myself back to that initial feeling that began freshman year. Due to my own choices mind you, I find myself in a place of the unknown. Where is it that I am going? Who is coming with me and who will I meet? What do I want to do? And most importantly, who do I want to be? Talk about some loaded questions. These are ones that literally define a person. I have surely realized that this isn't easy. I've made some serious mistakes that have changed the course of everything from the time of today's photo and until now where I am sitting alone in my bed contemplating life as I know it.
Xx
-E
Photo #158
I have this strange feeling that has been creeping up on me lately. A feeling like I don't have two feet firmly on the ground. But more specifically with who I am as myself. I know it sounds strange, and a bit depressingly reflective, but I just feel as if I'm sort of floating along with no intended purpose. Now I'm all about going with the flow, but going with that flow and not having somewhat of a handle on things and grasp on the direction in which I am going is extremely difficult for me. Which is what I am lacking currently. I have no idea where it is I stand or who it is I want to be. I'm sure this is a typical predicament for a 22 year old who is about to graduate college, but someone with a personality like my own, its frightening. Today's photo goes along with whole situation I have found myself in. This photo was taken over Fall Break of freshman year. It was the first time I had been home since moving to college. Going off to college and leaving home was a whole transition in itself. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, just that I was going to be in a school for communications. I had entered a world where I virtually knew no one. It was same sensation as now. I had no real control over things and I was just floating along. I wasn't sure who it was I wanted to be but I knew it was supposed to come to me over the next four years in school. And over that past three I really felt that I had found a place of stability and contentment. I was confident in my choices and felt real happiness with those who I chose to love and surround myself with. But somewhere along the line of the past year I have gotten myself back to that initial feeling that began freshman year. Due to my own choices mind you, I find myself in a place of the unknown. Where is it that I am going? Who is coming with me and who will I meet? What do I want to do? And most importantly, who do I want to be? Talk about some loaded questions. These are ones that literally define a person. I have surely realized that this isn't easy. I've made some serious mistakes that have changed the course of everything from the time of today's photo and until now where I am sitting alone in my bed contemplating life as I know it.
Xx
-E
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