Photo #152
I apologize in advance for a less than upbeat post today. I should be, or at least I thought I'd be, celebrating this Irish holiday upon my arrival home with a long awaited reunion. But that never happened. It has definitely been an intensely emotional night that ended in heartbreak. Something I don't tend to handle very well as I am the person to puts it all out on the line with my whole heart and emotions. And when all those aren't received and taken in to become something really beautiful I have the tendency to break down completely. Happiness is something that doesn't go well with heartbreak and that's part of the reason for today's photo. I honestly had nothing to contribute to the blog today. I literally almost just posted a picture of the darkness but I figured I'd spare the super emo details. But this photo I got in an email a few days ago and thought maybe it could suffice for today. Maybe finding real happiness is just accepting the fact that it doesn't all come to us how and when we want it. I have discovered happiness is the strangest places at the most random times. The most beautiful things are the ones you realize later on came from a spontaneous act of the stars aligning or something like that. I've said it before, I'm a hopeless romantic. I like to believe it can all be full of passion and love and be worth the fight and the tears in the end. But realistically, which is such a hard pill for me to swallow, I can't force happiness into things or another person. My wild imagination that drums up exciting times spent together and endless bliss can't really happen when I'm the only one vying for it. So maybe I've gotten a little too wrapped up in trying desperately for happiness. Or maybe it was there along and we just never recognized it or wanted to give it a proper chance. Or maybe I just haven't had this great strange dream yet where happiness seems to live. But clearly there is a journey to find it, except I don't know if I'll be able to sleep well enough and fall into dreams tonight.
Xx
-E
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