Photo #334
I really have been missing a serious amounts of posts lately. I apologize, it's just been a heck of a journey the last few weeks with my new incredible career that allows for me to travel rather frequently. And this week it took me back to Los Angeles, as blogged about in the previous post. It was actually a great time. All of our shows and gigs were amazing and there was some downtime that allowed me to really bond with my new family of coworkers. I truly am a very lucky girl. I know I worked my ass off to get to where I am, but I will never forget how fortunate I am. I recently went through, and actually still going through, a pretty tough and lonely time, mainly inside my own head, thinking that certain key things were missing in my life. I thought that by fighting for what I believed in and for what I knew I loved all would finally be complete. That of course, as life so tenderly loves to do to us, did not work out in my favor. Heat break and disappointment are never easy, but they do teach you a lesson. And I myself came to a realization that the past is in the past for a reason. It didn't follow me here or fight for me to keep it in the present because because it's the past. As in no longer, done, and most importantly different than what it used to be. I can't, and all of us for that matter, let one thing in our lives consume us so that it begins to darken the immaculately bright and shining things that we have here and now in our present. Don't get me wrong, this is all much easier typed out in a blog post late at night on a plane ride home as opposed to actually applying it to my life, but we've got to start somewhere don't we? Sometimes I think of myself as being so stupid as to let something like a beautiful memory of my past get the best of me. Especially for letting myself think it would all really work out and be the perfect thing it never truly got the chance to be. But such is life. If we were handed all the things we wanted that would make us feel like we have reached perfection, there would be no beauty to discover in the disaster. If this past would have made it's way into actually being my present, I would not be living in the amazing place I now call home. I wouldn't have the career I've worked my whole life to finally attain. I wouldn't be fulfilled with my accomplishments and have pride in my Independence and success. I wouldn't have all these new and inspiring people surrounding me. I would have that one love, but I'm not so sure I'm convinced on the whole "All you need is love" bit they talk so highly about. I mean of course you need love, but love in the broader sense of the word. And most importantly love in yourself. Love in your own mind, body, spirit and soul so that you can have all the other things fall into place on their own time. I gave up one chance of something when I left home almost four months ago, but I've gained entirely so, so much more along my pursuit. So as tired out as that other saying "Everything happens for a reason" is, I definitely believe it does. As much as we don't want things to happen the way they do at the time, when enough time passes where you are allowed to heal and move on, when you look back on it all you do is come to realize that it happened that way to get you to where you should me. I'm slowly getting through that healing and moving on phase, which comes in due time. But now I know I sure as hell can't let it bring me, and all the other once in a lifetime opportunities I now have on a regular basis, down and take away from it. As someone very, very wise once told me (and this will be the last cliche saying I throw at you) "Too blessed to be stressed."
Xx
-E
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